Jun 20, 2011

Uh-Oh, Commies!: Tian’anmen Trouble (with video!)

[ed note: originally written May 18, 2011 from Beijing, China.  posting postponed due to Chinese internet regulations (against video websites) and my sudden popularity with Chinese cops]

Today, Wednesday, May 18^th, 2011, Tony and I were intimately and aggressively surrounded by military personnel as the sole focus of a police sting operation at one of the 20^th century’s most iconic places of rebellion, protest, and mutiny: Beijing’s Tian’anmen Square.  If unfamiliar with China’s Tian’anmen Square (but afraid to admit it to yourself, as was I), this picture should trigger your memory:

[unable to insert picture of man standing in front of line of tanks due to Chinese internet regulations.  Google it.]

The 1989 massacre of protesting Chinese civilians will forever be engrained in Chinese and world history as one of, if not the most significant protest against the Communist Party of China ever held.  Our day at Tian’anmen Square, though, ranks a close 2nd.

But no, fine reader, no; we were not shooting flare guns into crowds nor standing tall and resolute in front of gun scopes atop military tanks.  We weren’t disobeying the CPC’s laws or staging a foreign sit-in.  No, we were simply enjoying the sweet smell of free-market communism at its functional home.  Enjoying, that is, until we were suddenly stopped by a stern-faced Chinese police officer requesting our passports and identification cards.  He had rolled in front of us on a police-labeled Segway (called the Trobot), and as he dismounted the gyroscoped gizmo I joked how Tony should take a picture of me asking him to ride it.  One second later, though, he was face-to-face with us, flashing his badge.  And then another police officer, standing behind us, was breathing down my neck.  Then about 8 more officers, surrounding us from all directions, formed a rudimentary circle of force.  Tony and I glanced at one another, smiling, and simultaneously tossed out a mutual and appropriate, “I have no idea what’s going on.”  Two officers were on Trobots.  Another pair jumped out of a futuristic police golf cart.  And two more came from the front seats of a 25’ police vehicle, which parked strategically behind us in order to block the public’s view with its tall frame and darkly-tinted windows.

A crowd of devout Chinese tourists quickly became our second ring of security (our first ring, of course, was the 10 police officers and their assorted wheeled vehicles).  Chinese grandmothers were walking right up next to us, turning around, flashing their trademark “peace sign,” and smiling for the picture that their husband/niece/son was about to take of them ironically standing beside the two weiguoren.  They were only standing, though, until a member of the police forced them away from us, at which time they simply stepped a few feet away and repeated the process of taking a picture with us, this time in the background.  Within 2 minutes I had caught a glimpse of hundreds of photos being taken of Tony and I surrounded by Chinese police officers and vehicles in front of Tian’anmen Square’s iconic Mao tower.

Tony began speaking with the officers in Chinese.  Although we had both presented our Ohio driver’s licenses, only his had been confiscated.  As one officer copied the card’s information, another officer pulled out a small video camera and began holding it to his face, filming the entire process.  The camera didn’t leave us.  I kept catching the lens with my eyes, and eventually decided to wave a few times.  Each time, the Chinese officer, dressed in full military clothing, smiled and enthusiastically waved back at me.

Tony and I each had a camera in our hands.  I was holding my camera at my side, in video mode, recording every second.  Tony, I was confident, was holding my GoPro at his side, also recording the procession of events.  Because we were outside, Tony and I were actually able to whisper to one another in quick and unclear English without being heard by the police or their small video camera.  When he was able to understand them, Tony would translate what he was hearing for me.  I asked him if he was filming.  Duh.  As if he’d miss this.

The police officer obviously leading the operation requested our cameras with an outstretched hand.  As I handed him mine without hesitation, I pressed power.  Tony, however, didn’t.  The GoPro continued to film as one of the other officers looked at the 2” square HD video camera like it was from another planet.  Eventually, he found the button and shut it off.  The police talked amongst themselves for 20 minutes.  Tony and I joked together, smiling and making light of the questionably grave situation.  He asked them questions about the area and made small talk.  Eventually, I asked for what we were waiting.  I was anxious to leave the Square and make our way to the Forbidden City, AKA the Palace Museum, opposite the Square.  Their supervisor was on his way.  We waited longer.  The officer recording the incident put the camera down, bored with our obliging and lack of typical American resistance.  The lead officer quickly corrected him, though, and ordered him to return to filming our stillness.  Tony mentioned how he was bored and tired and wanted to sit.

Briefly, approximately 15 minutes into our wait, I was suddenly scared for my life: the huge police bus that had cornered our scenario against a fence began to move, inching towards us like a mobile wall.  At the same time, the circle of officers seemed to take a step inward.  I may have been completely fabricating this in my mind, but I saw it.  To me, it was real.  I pictured the dark windows of the bus opening as a gun appeared, putting us out of our innocent misery and quickly sweeping us into the bus’s side door, whisking us away without any evidence and out of sight of any passer-bys.  In reality, though, the bus was simply leaving.  With it, two or three officers disappeared.

It felt like a real-life game of Mortal Combat.

There stood Tony and I, in the center of China’s second-most-popular tourist attraction, surrounded by an army of cameras, police officers, and Trobots.  Onlookers with craned necks were absolutely bewildered by not only the heavy police presence and slight reminiscence of the 1989 protest (minus…pretty much everything), but mainly by the color of our less-than-primordial, sun-deprived skin.

Everyone started to get bored.  Tony and I became decreasingly concerned for our safety, well-being, and ability to ever leave the country.  Eventually, another similarly-aged Chinese man approached the lead officer.  He wore a black “police” t-shirt and freshly-stained jeans.  They stood about 20 feet from us.  But through that grand distance I was able to make out the first-on-the-scene-officer’s hilarious rendition of the photo that was ultimately forcefully, but voluntarily, deleted from my camera forever:

poor rendition of Chinese adversarial position

Looking at the group of officers discussing what to do with our bodies, Tony and I watched as they began laughing at the climax of the photo’s description.

The supervisor approached us, told Tony a bunch of stuff that he didn’t understand (along the lines of “no more of those types of photos,”) and let us go with nothing more than a handshake and a “tail” for the rest of our walk across Tian’anmen Square.  But I don’t think I was supposed to know he was there.

Please enjoy the fruits of our despair, which probably also frowned upon by the Chinese:

By brodyleven Fun, Korea & China 2011, Media, Short Stories, Travel, Trips, Video 8 Comments Tags: beijing, china, chinese, commies, communists, cpc, foreigners, police, segways, square, Tian'anmen square, tiananmen, trips, trobots, trouble