Revisiting China’s Forbidden City (Ain’t That Forbidden. At All.)

Forbidden City. Beijing, China. 2011

“Why would they block off the middle of the stairway?  Doesn’t that seem, like, not conducive to effectively moving the 50 gazillion Chinese people here?” I ask my pretty-much-Chinese friend, Tony, while approaching the Forbidden City’s first majestically ornate stairset.  “It obviously decreases walkflow and disallows–”

“You see how there aren’t even any stairs in the middle of the stairset, just artwork  engraved into the cement?” Tony elucidates, pointing to a dragon design where flattened gum is supposed to be stuck.  “That center section of the stairs was only for the Emperor.”

“His little emperor slippers must have had Vibram soles,” I whisper, “because that slippery dragon does not look like the best path to ascend in the Medieval rain.”

“He didn’t walk, idiot.  …And Medieval?  Dear god…  He was carried.  The Emperor’s section of stairs was just narrow enough that his slaves could hold him, elevated in his mobile throne, from the regular stairs while he floatingly ascended the Emperor stairs…without ever actually having to move his legs.”

As I picture a Greek goddess perched atop a floating hammock, lovingly fanned with palm leaves by slaves adorned in nothing but olive leaves—blatantly confusing my totalitarian references—my mind begins to wonder.  “Forbidden” as the name may imply, Beijing’s Forbidden City aka Palace Museum aka The Only Place to Go After a Run-in with Police Across the Street is gapingly easy to access.  In fact, cheap tickets are sold at various locations, hawkers sell neon glow bracelets at the unobstructed gates, and published guidebooks from around the world suggest this spectacle to travelers for its ease of entry and free tourist traps maps.  Visiting it on my 3rd day in China, I find myself already questioning both the authenticity of their bold claims (“Forbidden”) as well as their ability to provide appropriate English names to monumental historical sites (“Forbidden”).  If this city is truly forbidden, why all the flashing neon lights, 20RMB tickets, and color-coded maps?  If I were Emperor of a Chinese dynasty, with all of the country’s labor, money, and space at my disposal, I may consider building a similar structure, though maintain the “Forbidden” characteristic implicit in Forbidden City.

The place is huge.  Built for some king/god/Mao/ruling figure in the 1700/1800/1400s(?), the Forbidden City was an all-encompassing place of living, recreation, ruling, and, primarily,—judging by the countless thrones—sitting.  The Emperor stayed here.  All. The. Time.  For his own safety, the dude couldn’t leave the place.  Luckily, with heretics, ‘hores, and hors’deovurs in ample supply, I think he was doing just fine.

Heck, he had a moat built around his living quarters just so he could access his palace (yes, from within the palace) by boat.  How baller is that?

The Forbidden City stretches for hundreds of hectacres (or [insert Chinese accent] hecric-areas, as a nearby Chinese tour guide is overhead saying in English).  While the corridors and halls are largely repetitive in architecture, the names that represented their purposes differed.  There was the Hall of Earthly Tranquility, the Palace of Heavenly Purity, a Hall of Mental Cultivation, and the Gate of Divine Might among countless others.

[ed note: Read the funny part. (which, in order to find, requires reading the whole thing.)"]

Gate of Vertical Challenge

Temple of Thriller and Cultural Sensitivity

Overall, the Forbidden City was an excellent escape from the crazy Chinese police of Tian’anmen Square, and introduced me to the running comedic commentary that would highlight virtually every segment of my visit to America’s “if you dig a hole straight down” neighbor.

Posted in Korea & China 2011, photography, Short Stories, traveling | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Brody Trying To WakerSki, part 2

According to my web “dashboard” numbers, many of you can’t seem to get enough of the story of me sucking (BADLY) at wakeboarding and waterskiing.

To continue to spur your excitement for watching me injure myself, I present with yet another rendition of Brody Trying To WakerSki.

This summer 2011 episode comes to you straight from the skin-shrinkingly cold waters of Jackson Lake in Jackson, Wyoming.

now THAT is a shirt

I’m really, really bad at these activities.  I couldn’t even stand up on a slalom ski.  Luckily, the day was beautiful, the friends were great, and the water wasn’t icy.

Correction: yes, actually it was.

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The Last X? Days in (Approximately) 16 Pictures and 1 Video

VIDEO OF WEIRDO

The last few weeks.

Went to the SIA (Snowsports Industries America) Snow Show 2012 tradeshow.

There, I was featured on a big banner. (top right, bottom middle, orange jacket).

It was in Denver, another spot where the bicycle culture is breathing.

Back in SLC, I went to a Utah Jazz basketball game.  I’m, like, so into sports.

Snowboarding.  Weird.

Vegetarian Super Bowl.

Spent a lot of time in the backcountry.


Attended the Visa Freestyle International (formerly known as…every other name imaginable) at Deer Valley, where my friend Dylan placed 2nd in aerials.

We surprised Robin for his birthday in Bozeman.

Christmas tree turned Valentine’s tree, soon to turn Easter tree and then compost.  I made the dude on the right.

 I witnessed the further emergence and growing popularity of the TBC (top button club).

Posted in Pressed, Skiing!, traveling, X in X | 2 Comments

Utah Avalanche Center’s Advanced Avalanche Skills Workshop

In (relatively blinding) light of the recent close calls, accidents, and the interesting “Colorado” or “continental” snowpack that backcountry travelers in the Wastach Mountains are currently entertaining, the Utah Avalanche Center hosted an Advanced Avalanche Skills Workshop in early February.   It was designed for advanced snow enthusiasts who sought to realign their avalanche skills with those of their skiing or snowboarding.

To kick things off, the Black Diamond Retail Store hosted a free evening workshop on February 9th, featuring the highly-regarded expertise of (UAC forecaster) Brett Kobernik, (Alta patrolman) Dave Richards, and (skier) Andrew McClean.  I arrived 15 minutes early to an empty room, and took my choice of the 50 fold-out chairs.  However, with the last-minute arrival of several (hundred) backcountry travelers , the options diminished rapidly.

The evening’s presentations coherently addressed both the underlying, fundamental, and relatively rare issues affecting safe backcountry travel in the Wasatch this season.  With a packed house, the discussions centered around high-level skiers and the way in which they should go about riding in the backcountry, given the recent conditions, in order to avoid accidents similar to those that were interpreted.  Between the quality presentations and 5 minutes of avalanche footage provided by Dave, everyone left wanting more.

Luckily, the Utah Avalanche Center had planned for just that.

Escaping the day before succumbing to the confines of Valentine’s Day, about 15 shredders played hooky on Monday the 13th in order to listen to UAC forecasters Brett Kobernik, Craig Gordon, and avalanche educator Trent Meisenheimer delve further into the previous Thursday’s conversation.

As a “special topics” class, the course was designed around a simple concept: how to make the most of the winter, given what the Wasatch has–or, more accurately, doesn’t have–this season.  Avalanche classes don’t come any more focused on current conditions and events than this.  It is an important topic to address in the Wasatch because users here, unlike many other ranges, are not accustom to the current thin, weak, and dangerous snowpack.

Some notable takeaways from the morning classroom session include:

  • expert skiers, when venturing into the backcountry, should have expert avalanche knowledge.
  • terrain familiarity can’t overshadow a lack of snow familiarity.
  • certain terrain choices leave no margin for error.
  • currently, only proper terrain choice and patience can keep a user safe in the backcountry.
  • terrain choice is the best avalanche mitigation tool.
  • “The thing that sucks most about dying doing what you love to do is that you can’t do what you love to do anymore.” – Craig Gordon
  • dangerous, persistent, and unpredictable are 3 of the red flag keywords in an avalanche report.
  • standing in the starting zone is not the only time to collect information.  take advantage of the climb.
  • “In Utah, we’re used to swimming with dolphins.  Now, we’re swimming with sharks.” –Craig Gordon
  • thin snowpack=weak snowpack=dangerous snowpack.
Craig Gordan discussed robot engineer Ian McCammon’s 2003 research on important human factors in accidents, and succinctly related them to this season’s avalanche deaths.
  1. Familiarity (with terrain)
  2. Acceptance (of other, alternative options)
  3. Commitment (to objective)
  4. Expert Halo (of recommendations and opinions)
  5. Scarcity (of resources (snow))

Looking out the meeting room windows, participants were ready to get outside.  10″ of Utah fresh had fallen the previous day, and after dividing participants into 3 groups, each with its own UAC instructor, everyone headed out on one of Monday’s first trams to see what the day’s host, Snowbird, had to offer.

Each group was joined by a Snowbird ski patroller who had a rescue scenario prepared somewhere on the mountain.  With fresh snow on the ground, strangers in the group, and various debris in the simulated avalanche path, team members quickly and effectively dug out the victims in the multiple-burial situations with which they were presented.

Following the rescue scenarios, groups ventured into far-reaching corners of the Snowbird periphery in order to really get into the nitty-gritty of the current snowpack.  Shovel sheer tests, compression tests, extended column tests, saw propagation tests, and even the elusive “Chugach stomp” (not to be confused with the Thursday evening line dance party at Alaska’s Northern Cowboy Bar) seemed to be the stability and propagation tests of choice. The afternoon went quickly, with participants and instructors regularly pulling the carpet out from underneath 2 meters of heavy snow by simply waking up the deep-lying facets that never seem to sleep.  Even the near-surface facets, covered by Sunday’s 10″ of snow, were creating some 1st-quality sheers for the enjoyment (and berating) of those who wish to actually ski something steeper than 25 degrees.

The event would have been impossible without Surface Skis and all of their donated poles, hats, and t-shirts; Paul Diegel of the Friends of the Utah Avalanche Center and all of his hard work to keep the UAC on top; Snowbird Ski Patrol and their big, yellow, buried, “victim” bags; Snowbird and the free mints, water, pens, and notepaper; Black Diamond and the fire-code-obeying basement; the Utah Avalanche Center and each one of its generous sponsors.

And, like that, the Advanced Avalanche Skills Workshop showed up and disappeared, which is exactly what we wish the 8″ layer of sugar that is sitting on the ground would have done…in October.

Posted in reviews, Skiing! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How to Get Injured Wakeboarding and/or Waterskiing: Be Me.

Watersports in my life, until recently, have been limited to water ramping–which requires all of 20-feet of in-pool life-jacket-assisted “swimming” with boots and skis on your feet–and sailing, in which you barely ever touch the water.  With my relatively recent exposure to whitewater kayaking, surfing, and most recently “snorkeling,” my water tolerance has slowly been increasing to a level that some may view as containing a hint of pleasure in watersports.

Wakeboarding and waterskiing, though, are exactly where the pleasure stops.

Now, in all honesty, wakeboarding is one of the funnest things I’ve ever done.  But, man, am I bad at it.

At the exact age of 11-ish, I was attending Junior Sail Camp at Berlin Yacht Club in North Benton, Ohio.  A kind instructor chose a handful of kids to take on his ski boat during a break from sailing.  Being the 1st-generation childhood ski prodigy that I was, I volunteered to scoot my under-sized feet into the waterskis first.  Little did I know that, after a few successful starts and some big, arching turns, my comrades posted up on the motor boat would successfully (and easily) convince me to attempt to jump the wake.  About 5 seconds, 5 feet of air, and 5 feet too little air later, I re-emerged from the water, hand on bloody head, to a gash worthy of the 16-head-stitches it would soon receive.

My attempt had gone something like this:

  • swing wide, but not wide enough
  • cut back in towards the wake, but with such little angle that I was jumping the hypotenuse of the boat’s wake
  • jump, jump, jump
  • tips dig into the water mid-wake
  • faceplant, faceplant, faceplant
  • face and life-jacketed body hit water, preventing immediate submersion
  • skis float,forcing them back out of the water and into the air
  • legs bend, ski tails shoot back and up and hit me directly in the back of the head
  • bloody head, trip to hospital, 16 stitches, vow to never again take (lack of) on-snow talent to water

Fast forward 12 years, and here I was:

Utah Lake, Utah. 2011

Incredibly reminiscent of my first accident, I found myself, once again, succumbing to the peer pressure being yelled from the boat pulling me.  But this time, I was 23, in Utah, being towed by a friend’s boat that was blaring loud electronic music, full of 20-somethings who were screaming at me to jump the wake.

Here it goes again:

  • once again be the first person to ride for the day
  • jump wake
  • turn 90 degrees mid-air
  • land on my toeside edge
  • get arms yanked by rope
  • SLAM face-first into the water
  • you know that little flap connecting your upper lip to your gums? (yes, the one you’re feeling with your tongue right now)
  • I tore that. completely in half.
  • blood.

disconnected flap

But not one to ruin everyone’s day, I redeemed myself on the board and encouraged everyone to keep smiling and not worry about my flap.

Then we did my favorite thing in the entire universe: wakesurfing.  This was real, real fun.

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Deep Danger

IMG_0914

Be careful or don’t go.

or, just don’t go.

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“Ski Utah”? I Do That.

Last week, Canyons Resort released a video that Justin Olsen made with telemark athletes Weston D, Shaun Raskin, and I.  It features a bunch of that snow that has made Utah so famous.

To advertise it, I ended up with the cover shot!

Last week, my video “Biking to #Mecca” was posted on the Ski Utah blog.

Check out the short write-up they did.

It was also part of the Earlyups.com “Daily Brew,” a daily collection of the best ski edits on the web.

And, lastly, I had another Photo of the Day on canyonsresort.com.

photo: Justin Olsen

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